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Are roommates your friends?

 
Old 11-05-2017 at 02:36 PM   #1
MikeyT
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Are roommates your friends?
Hello MacInsider,

I'm just looking for some advice, similar stories to mine, or just opinions on my situation, sorry it's very long but you can skip paragraphs, they're all self-contained.

I'm currently living in a student house with friends, but it's been very stressful. Here are a list of things that have made me feel uncomfortable.

Everyday when I come home my roommates are sitting in the living room and I feel this very tense atmosphere, almost like I'm unwanted, so I quickly leave for my room and close the door. I don't know how to describe it, my roommates look up, see its me, give me a look and continue doing whatever they were doing, without exchanging words unless I say something, and then they reply with the bare minimal response. However with anyone else they're very welcoming with a smile and a nice greeting like 'Hey, how'd your classes go, what are your plans today?' I feel like I'm being treated differently, whether subconsciously or consciously.

In the summer I made plans with them to go throw a frisbee at a nearby park. They all thought that it sounded like a great idea, but were busy until later, so we agreed to meet at 1PM and head out together. At 1PM I went to the living room to find out that they had left without me, without even bothering to knock on my door. I texted them but none of them responded. I went to the park that we decided to throw at but didn't see them, so I went back to the house, to still not find them, and I continued to text and search for them till 2PM, until I gave up and went to my room, to wallow in my sorrows for the rest of the night. They didn't return until 7PM, they apparently went to one of our friend's house, hung out for a while, then tossed, then returned, none of them apparently checked their phones, and they all were on silent. This really hurt me and I still think about this constantly, never once receiving a proper apology, at most I got a text, 'sorry didn't see this till now' after they've finished throwing. I was really depressed for the next few weeks after this event.

Our house used to order pizza from Queen's pizza a lot, and we kept the receipts, because there's a deal that if you have 5 receipts you get a free medium pizza. Once when we were discussing how many receipts we had a roommate made a snark comment 'Oh but obviously none of them are from (Insert my name here), he probably just throws them out.' She didn't even realized I was standing behind her and that most of the receipts that we had were from me because I really liked their chicken shawarma and meat lovers pizza and ordered it almost once a week contributing my receipt each time. Well one day all the receipts disappeared, I assume they used all the receipts for free pizzas and didn't invite me, I've never brought it up.

We used to have a Minecraft server, and I spent a ridiculous number of hours playing on it, making a huge mansion, I easily spent over 50 hours, drawing out my house, gathering resources, making measurements etc. They then started pulling pranks on my house, placing random trees inside, outside and on the roof of it, destroying the aesthetic of it. It's really hurtful when you've put in so much work into something and someone else decides to ruin it, but I kept this to myself and removed the trees. They planted new trees when I logged off, I assumed this was just going to continue happening so I left them and lived with the trees. Well it didn't stop there, they removed the flooring of my house! Then planted cactus and chicken EVERYWHERE! It took me a solid 2 hours to remove everything, so then I thought that since we're just playing a game that I'd prank their house, I put leaves inside of one of their house, and the chickens from my house inside of another's. Well they retaliated by gathering a group of friends, I think 5 of our friends and literally worked together to surround my house in closed box, 2 blocks thick. I wasn't too upset when I found out about what happened to my house, I expected as much, but when I found out that our entire friend group worked together to essentially bully me, I was devastated. I teared up and couldn't speak to them for weeks.

For my own food I use a very specific Tupperware that way I can keep organize, all my roommates know the shape of my Tupperware, and I don't mind them using it. Slowly I've been realizing that my Tupperware had been slowly disappearing, and this week when I was doing recycling I found one of my containers. It's not their's, why are they throwing out my containers!?!?! This is very upsetting because I've been saving money slowly to build up a large collection, that I keep on my shelf in the kitchen, because I'm so heavily reliant on Tupperware.

This is the last rant I promise.
A friend of mine whom none of my roommates know gifted me a pumpkin from his father's pumpkin patch. They had a bunch of extra pumpkins and just wanted to share them with their friends, this was really meaningful to me, I never just get gifts out of the blue so I really liked it. I showed all my roommates and left it in the living room as decoration until Halloween. Anyways this Halloween when I came home after classes I saw someone had carved my gifted pumpkin, alongside others. It was obviously my roommates who did this and when I entered the house they excitedly asked me if I had seem the pumpkins. Faking smiles I said they were really good and went to my room.

They've other things like, once literally getting into the car as I'm going to put my shoes on and driving off without me, telling me I had to bus there. There's a lot more, but these are the most meaningful ones to me. I'm just really stressed and upset that I have to spend the rest of this semester and the next with them, and needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening
Old 11-05-2017 at 09:57 PM   #2
GeorgeLucas
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Why did you rent room with your "friends" in the first place?

Also, it's 2017, we are in our 20s, we don't make friends anymore. Friends do stuff for each other, they know our darkest secrets and what makes us who we are. In 99% case friends are someone we grew up with. Some dudes you meet in school and play games with are not friends. People forget it these days, because of the whole being polite thing. Neither does renting room in the same house as them qualifies them as such.

Find another place to live at, and don't fall into the same trap next time.
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MikeyT says thanks to GeorgeLucas for this post.
Old 11-06-2017 at 01:41 PM   #3
MikeyT
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This made me feel a lot better. I think I really needed to grow up. Thanks
Old 11-06-2017 at 07:49 PM   #4
bradyr
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Aw I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be really tough. Honestly, your friends seem like jerks and I would cut them.

It's going to be a long year if you have to live with them for a long time, maybe if possible, can you let them know how you are feeling? I know that might be difficult, so if it doesn't seem feasible, I would just say stick with it and keep telling yourself this is short-term. Hang out with your other friends outside of school, study at the library, go to the gym, just try to occupy yourself. You'll make it through, and next year, do not live with them. Best of luck
Old 11-08-2017 at 07:15 PM   #5
Thinker
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they aren't your friends, i guess you know that deep down but refuse to accept it.

you should just find new friends who value you rather than thinking about people
who don't think about you. just my 2 cents
Old 11-29-2017 at 01:23 PM   #6
CleanTeeth
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Yes they are your friends and they will be in the future.
Old 11-29-2017 at 09:13 PM   #7
GeorgeLucas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CleanTeeth View Post
Yes they are your friends and they will be in the future.
You made an account just to say that?

Sad.
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Old 12-04-2017 at 04:47 PM   #8
old guy
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Actually, I think the original poster has a serious undiagnosed personality disorder and needs help.
Old 12-05-2017 at 01:03 AM   #9
saugagirl
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No, I don't know my roommates. Speaking from my 3rd year of sharing a place with others, being neutral acquaintances is best. My roommates do their own thing and I do mine. They do small things which annoy me but I know anyone would, so I suck it up and get over it.

Some of them are super cool, share the same interests as me, and might make awesome friends. However, I keep my boundaries and I never overly interfere them. The moment a roommate is your "friend" - you have set yourself up to someone expecting a lot from you or walking all over you.

Be neutral and respectful. Focus on your studies. And leave when you have to! I lived my first year with a girl I wanted to be best friends with but then learned the hard way that friends make bad roommates. It'll be over before you know it. Don't worry.
Old 12-08-2017 at 08:38 AM   #10
Starships2
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Just try to sublet your room and move somewhere else next term!

Its not worth the negativity. Additionally, stop being so dependant on their validation. At the end of the day, we are here to go to McMaster not to make life long friends. You'll find friends, its obviously not these losers! Focus on your exams and embrace the void.

Think of it in a positive light! You don't have to do the lame garbage they call fun and even if they did try to become your friend eventually, the resentment you already hold for them will just fester.
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Old 12-08-2017 at 01:43 PM   #11
mullej
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This legitimately broke my heart.

Roommates are not always friends. I would say there are some lucky people who end up living together and becoming friends, or are good friends before and chose to live together. But even then, it's common that friendships are strained and sometimes broken from the stresses of living together. It's very common for university roommates to have unnecessary drama because they are young adults just learning to live with people other than their parents/families and have various ways of doing everyday things that may differ strongly from yours.

Maybe the people you are living with do not share the same values and interests as you and that has caused them to feel distant and appear to have created a team without, or even against you. It doesn't sound like any of this is your fault and I'm very sorry you're going through it. But you are not alone!

Please consider finding different roommates to live with next year! The people you live with can really contribute positively or negatively to your university experience, so why not improve that if you can?

Best of luck! <3
Old 12-27-2017 at 10:52 PM   #12
robertsm
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Yes I do know my roommates. But to tell them to be my friends, no. I won't go to that extent. Yes we are friendly to each other and give space for each other member.
I had felt like what you do Mikey and that is when I changed my mind. If they need me let them come over and ask for me. The days of me bothering of them and their activities, are long lost. During those times, when I find time I relieve myself of them and get together with those who are actually willing to be with me. But I do respect my roommates and so, I tell them before I leave forth to the other group.
I never did change my accommodation though, throughout my course.
Don't get with them, Leave them. Why disturb? We got our own fun time and activities. Enjoy that.
If you don't have other groups to hangout with, find your best buddies with books in the library and your own space.
Old 01-21-2018 at 10:34 AM   #13
JeffMad
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I actually become a great friend with a roommate of mine. We were only roommates for a brief few months, but still kept in touch after that and became great friends. It takes time, of course.



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